Cadillac Escalade (GMT K2XL)

2015 Cadillac Escalade

The Cadillac Escalade, the SUV favored by the generation of hip hop and gangsta rappers from the ghettos, has been regenerated to an entirely new look complete with a brand new platform, new interior, and new features that will keep this new model back to its clean slate after years of being treated as a car for the ghetto goons or so we thought.

So, what's new about this new model?

The new model is kinda like its lesser cousins, the Chevrolet Suburban/Tahoe and the GMC Yukon, because they both wear the same underpinnings derived from its you-know-whats. Like these, this new platform will not spawn an EXT sport truck and its hybrid derivatives because...like it says on its books, this new Escalade will not spawn a hybrid model as well as its EXT sport truck. Dismissed.

Dismissed?

Dismissed. No Escalade Hybrid nor Escalade EXT for this generation. So sorry...

Anyway, like what I said, WHAT'S NEW?!

Oh! Okay! The new model now looks more well-tailored on the exterior, like a heavily armed bodyguard who is heavily armed to the teeth, guarding a social party for the VIP. Judging by the way the new exterior design looks, that is as first class as a cargo plane all smothered with some palace-like comforts fit for a tyrant.

Hmmm...what about the interior?

2015 Cadillac Escalade interior

2015 Cadillac Escalade interior

Although while the exterior is new to us, the new interior of the Escalade is pretty much like the Cadillacs of today. It's just like when BMW still using the same interior design to all models with absolutely no differences whatsoever. You still have the configurable cluster display, the Cadillac CUE, and those catastrophically difficult dashboard  which makes your fingers deemed to be confused. Apart from its cockpit confusions, the passenger comforts is pretty much like those Japanese luxury MPVs of today but of course, this isn't one of them. This is an all-American made SUV built for the crooks and cools.

When fully equipped, you can expect a rear-seat entertainment system that plays your favorite DVD (or Blu-Ray) movies while on the go. Of course, while some consider it a family car, no other family can afford the Suburban with a Cadillac badge on it. Only the gangsta rappers, MVP athletes, or the Men In Black from the CIA, NSA, or any government organizations snooping on us can drive those.

If you can opt in for the long-wheelbase ESV model, you can have extended luggage space fit enough for some man stuff to put in to your man cave at your home. Tough stuff, though.

Tough?

Well, yeah. It is kinda tough indeed thanks to its extensive use of high-strength steel and it's not just all about being tough on the outside, it's the inside that counts thanks to its host of safety features such as Lane Departure Warning System, Rear Cross Traffic, Side Blind Zone Alert, Safety Alert Seat and Forward Collision Alert. Combined with Rear Vision Camera, Rainsense automatic wipers, and IntelliBeam headlamps.

What about performance?

The new Escalade now comes with the new and more powerful 6.2L EcoTec3 V-8 FlexFuel petrol engine, the same engine used to power the new GMC Yukon Denali models. It develops a class-leading power output of 420hp and 460 lb-ft of torque. It features Advanced Direct Injection, Active Fuel Management, and Variable Valve Timing. With that engine output, the EPA estimated fuel mileage is 21MPG highway. That sounds less but some say, it's an improvement from the last model.

Handling aside, the new Escalade comes with the Magnetic Ride Control, which lets the Escalade behave like a full-size saloon but honestly, being a big and burly car the size of five or six burly American football players, getting through the bends is an expert level worth unfathomable. When normally driven, it feels more comfortable like a luxury limo as long if there's someone not waving hands like a show off.

Should I buy it?

2015 Cadillac Escalade

At the start, the new Cadillac Escalade is priced from $71,695 to $92,840 so not only it's expensive than its GMT K2XX cousins, it's more expensive than its rivals such as the MB GL-Class and the Infiniti QX80 but on the upshot is that you can afford one rather than the Range Rover.

Sadly though, because this is too expensive, you can't afford one of these unless if you're working with the music industry or with the MIB.

Available colors: Dark Granite Metallic, Majestic Plum Metallic, Radiant Silver Metallic, Crystal Red Tintcoat, Silver Coast Metallic, White Diamond Tricoat, and Black Raven.

Photo: General Motors