Sunday, September 15, 2013

Let's Do The News! (September 15, 2013)

James: Right, the news and there's some big news earlier because...hey, has anyone caught up with the boxing match between Floyd Mayweather and Saul "Canelo" Alvarez?

(audience murmuring)

Richard: Hang on then pal, why are we covering this up?

James: Beats me, I don't know why but in cased you missed it, after 12 rounds, it's that bastard Mayweather who won the match by unanimous decision against "Canelo". Get it? Still undefeated for this high-profile and controversial boxer of that category.

(some applause and booing)

Jeremy: Yeah, actually, this is the kind of reaction we're waiting for because what occurs to me that Mayweather is the idiot who called Pacquiao bad things, especially the drugs issue in which Pacquaio never does to maintain his clean record. He's also the idiot who called Pacquiao "a legend" ever since his two losses against Bradley and Marquez last year. Remember?

Richard: Oh yeah. I remember that bloke who said that. If Pacquiao loses to Rios in November, maybe Mayweather's statements are true and he needs to retire for good but it's still a long way ahead so better yet, let's wait for the judgment and if it does, it's the end of Pac-man as we know it. No no...it's Manny Pacquiao we're referring.

Jeremy: So, with Mayweather scored another win in his undefeated win ratio, let's move on to even more worse news because...ahem...in the next four to five decades, Scotland will be banning petrol and diesel cars on their roads. Don't know why but...

Richard: But what, Jeremy?

(audience laughing)

James: Don't you think it's been causing too much bad weather for the Scots? You know? Too much emissions out there that's causing too much global warming and then sea levels are rising to unpredicted levels.

Jeremy: Yeah, and it seems that the Scots are trying to resolve the whole (mocking) "global warming" issue by banning the use of petrol and diesel cars by entering the Scottish roads and be soon implementing electric cars for road use. That all sounds creepy to see a road full of electric cars but that's a very lame idea, if you know what I mean?

(audience laughing)

Jeremy: Think about it, with Scotland banned all cars that run on fossil fuel, what's gonna happened? And with all cars runned with electric power, don't you think that's more than enough for the power companies to survive this trend until it goes...REVOLUTION?

(audience laughing)

James: What do you mean by REVOLUTION?

Jeremy: It's that show I was watching where in the catastrophic future, the world was cut off from power and there was this young girl trying to find her family when her father was killed by the militias and find the way to restore the power. Well, the first season was ended and there's a new season coming this month and it's worth the trauma when you watch it. Still even more traumatizing to watch than The Walking Dead though...

(audience laughing)

Jeremy: Now, bad news, Billie Piper is a victim of pram theft. Yep, another celebrity had his or her pram stolen and in case you don't know what a pram is, it's what the Brits called for strollers. We don't know why but it's still worth noticing.

James: Wait...hang on...isn't that Billie Piper the actress who will be returning on November 23rd's Doctor Who 50th anniversary special that has Matt Smith, David Tennant, and Jenna Coleman alongside?

Jeremy: Yes she was. I heard that she was married to Laurence Fox a few years ago and they lived in West Sussex with their two kids, one who was aged four and the other who was one year old. Anyway, the shocking news that her pram got stolen, that's something I don't really know about it but I guess the cops are busy investigating the case.

Richard: So...are you suggesting that these two should better buy themselves a new stroller?

(audience laughing)

Jeremy: You're not trying to be sensitive on those pressing issues, don't you?

(audience laughing)

Jeremy: Anyway, some good news about Orphan Black because...

Richard: Oh wait, hang on...is it...BEST DRAMA in Entertainment Weekly's EWwy Awards?

(audience laughing, then cheers and applause)



Jeremy: I was gonna say that but anyway, all thanks to one of the most recent dramas of 2013 which stars Tatiana Maslany as Sarah Manning and the clones.

Richard: It's too bad Helena, who was one of the clones, died on that show.

(audience laughing)

Richard: So, wherever you are, their victory goes to the Clone Club and yes, it was the best drama we had ever watched since spring. I was quite pleased about this surprising announcement. Which reminds me, it's all down to three remaining in our HOW CUTE IS YOUR CHARACTER segment and last week, Poof obliterated our ever-favorite BMO in our CUTENESS RANKER leaderboard so for tomorrow...ah...

(audience laughing)

Jeremy: What is it?

Richard: Well, we're keeping this a secret until tomorrow but I'll do give you a sneak peek for tomorrow's segment. Ahem...it goes...Ham-ha!

(audience laughing)

James: Is it...a hamster?

Richard: James! You're trying to make the guessing game a bit easier but anyway, that's for tomorrow. A hamster, not me, will be on our segment and find out if he's the cutest. So...that's the end of the news!

Jeremy: That's my line!!!

(audience laughing)

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