Let's Do The News! (April 2, 2013)

(cheers and applause)

2013 Hyundai Avante Coupe

JM: Really, you were saying that this is an ideal car rather than the Hyundai Tucson driven by the main characters?

RH: Yes, exactly and if it looked like this...

Hyundai Elantra Coupe "The Walking Dead"
Zombie Survival Machine

RH: ...I think this look fantastic to fend off a horde of walkers! Incredible!

JC: Um...sorry, if I can interrupt but this car's far too rubbish to be on The Walking Dead.

(audience laughing)

RH: Why?

JC: Because, let's just say you're the main character, Rick Grimes, and then you're unarmed, and then you're facing a horde of walkers, and then you're near to this car, without those contraptions. What would you do, little Hammo?

RH: Well, I could just carjack it, and then hotwiring it, and then off I go. Look at me, walkers! You can't catch me in my Avante Coupe!

(audience laughing)

JC: Ahem, a sportscar made by Koreans in a zombie outbreak is going to be a rubbish idea and I don't think Sir Robert Kirkman's going to approve this, not even Norman Reedus, who was Daryl on that show...Sorry...

(audience laughing)

RH: Well, all right. Maybe rubbish indeed...

JC: Anyway, shall we do the news now?

JM: Okay, the news and we got some good info for Metro fans everywhere because after Koch Media, the company behind the Deep Silver label, acquired rights for Saint's Row and Metro after the bankruptcy of THQ earlier this year, yes, you are good to pre-order the second chapter of the Metro story. It's titled Last Light and it takes place after the original Metro 2033, which is a post-nuclear survival horror game based on the novel written by some Russian I forgot about his name...

(audience laughing)

JM: ...anyway, Metro: Last Light will be available from May 14, 2013 in North America and May 17, 2013 across Europe for PlayStation3, the Xbox 360 video game and entertainment system from Microsoft, and Windows PC. Those who pre-order may avail the hardest difficulty setting of this game...Ranger Mode..

RH: What's Ranger Mode?

JM: Ranger Mode, the most insane difficulty ever in Last Light, where the enemies will be harder to defeat, less health, no HUD to keep track, very limited resources such as ammunition and gas mask filters, making it suitable for the veterans and not for the noobs. If you're up into this challenge, you are welcomed to use a special weapon for those who pre-ordered it. It's a Modified Russian Rifle. Also, you are rewarded with additional 100 military grade rounds with which to customize their starting equipment.

JC: Yeah, tell you what, guess this sequel will just bore me to death...

(audience laughing)

JC: Anyway, The Nerdist, hosted by Chris Hardwick, is now a full-fledged TV series aired on BBC America. It aired last week after that new show called Orphan Black, the one where a young woman discovers she's not alone but there are clones reminiscent of her. Anyway, here's something from The Nerdist I find it noticing...

RH: Wait, let me guess, is it the former Doctor Who heroine became a zombie?

(audience laughing)

RH: Well, here's the clip that really sums it up...

(audience laughing)

JC: Amy Pond back from the dead...She's now a zombie but she's a pretty one. (laughing)

JM: Yeah, absolutely pretty for a zombie who look like Miss Karen Gillan.

RH: Sure thing, I wanna be bitten by her beauty. But sadly, the only person I want to be bitten was The Doctor a.k.a. Alien Boy...

(audience laughing)

RH: Get it? BITE ME ALIEN BOY!!!!

(audience laughing)

JC: Anyway, we got some word from Citroen that there's a new C4 Picasso coming up and here's the picture of this new model, see...

2014 Citroen C4 Picasso

JC: ...it's now been lighter and more compact than the old model, new interior, new platform, and it is the first compact MPV to emit less than 100 g/km of CO2 with a conventional, internal-combustion engine. One thing I don't like about this new model is it's face. I mean look at it...This is somewhat a latest Nissan Elgrand feels like when it was given some disappointing look on its face...

(audience laughing)

RH: Yeah, and I mean if whoever drove one of these should be labeled as "the most disappointing family in Britain" because they bought to most disappointing car with such disappointing face!

(audience laughing)

JC: You know what other cars are disappointing?

RH: What?

JC: Let's see...there was the Toyota Vellfire, the Toyota Estima, the Mitsubishi Outlander, the Subaru Forester, the future Jeep Cherokee, there's so many rubbish cars wearing such disappointing faces, not as disappointing that your Fiat Panda, James...

(audience laughing)

JM: Hmmm...Disappointing you say? The only thing more disappointing was your face...

(audience laughing)

JC: No. Your face is even more disappointing. Even your stripey jumper you're wearing everyday...

(audience laughing)

RH: Can we all just stop bickering about this? If I'm a zombie, I would rather eat the heck out of you!

(audience laughing)

JC: Okay...okay...maybe I went a bit too far about this. Anyway, that is the end of the news...