Woman: Hello there and welcome to Have I Got News For You. My name is [BLEEP] and before we begin, let me just say that our thoughts go to those who have been affected by a devastating earthquake and tsunami that some say it took five lives and destroyed houses somewhere at Solomon Islands. We're praying for your hopes of speedy recovery, everyone at Solomon Islands.
(cheers and applause)
Woman: Anyway, top stories today. Power Rangers....where are they now? Well, there's your answer what happened to your favorite childhood heroes...
Everyone Is Doing The Harlem Shake v.3 Right Now - Watch More Funny Videos
(audience laughing)
Woman: Then, if you're a big fan of those Call of Duty games then, you'll be surprised that there's been some warfare going on and no, they're not on the Middle East for some desert storm or some reenactments...this one's for you...
Sniping: Paintball Edition - Watch More Funny Videos
(audience laughing)
Woman: And who else ever heard a witness who is as insane as this guy?
The Most Insane News Story You’ll See Today - Watch More Funny Videos
(audience laughing)
Woman: Whoa....and that's the top stories and let's begin the discussion. On the left panel, let me introduce you to our guests at the left. First off, some Girlet Endorser who has amassed her fortune for endorsing products that expose its secrets. Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to [BLEEP]!
(cheers and applause)
Woman: And next up, some Boylet Mischeso who has some dramatic hysteria at the airport. It's [BLEEP]!
(cheers and applause)
Woman: And now onto the right panel. She refers to herself as Celeb Higpit Sinturon, someone who is a bit cheap and belt-tightening during her Christmas vacation. Who is she? It's [BLEEP]!
(cheers and applause)
Woman: And lastly, some Beki Celeb who tries to level his social status up the ante but nobody's bothered by his newly-found social status unless he's off the cam...
(audience laughing)
Woman: ....Beki Celeb is....[BLEEP]!
(cheers and applause)
Woman: And these are our guests for today's show so who wants to start with?
Beki Celeb: Oh! Oh! Oh! Miss! Miss! I have something to say....
Woman: What is it about?
Beki Celeb: I'm getting confused every time when new ABS-CBN dramas of 2013 start and then at the start it says "DREAMSCAPE Entertainment Television" on it...What's DREAMSCAPE?
 |
| Dreamscape Entertainment Television |
Beki Celeb: Whoa! I need to be specific, [BLEEP], I need to know what's DREAMSCAPE Entertainment Television is.,,,
Woman: [BLEEP], between you and me, I think DREAMSCAPE is nothing more of a new company. It's a new division of ABS-CBN perhaps? I think so because ever since Kailangan Ko'y Ikaw started, it's the first ABS-CBN TV drama of 2013 and the first from DREAMSCAPE Entertainment Television. Beginning 2013, DREAMSCAPE Entertainment Television is what I'm thinking of it as the teleserye division of ABS-CBN. Don't know who's in charge but I think ABS-CBN's in charge of DREAMSCAPE...
(audience laughing)
Woman: Does this ring a bell?
Beki Celeb: Uh....that works. Thanks, [BLEEP]. You cleared my mind out of confusion!
Woman: You're welcome! And that was me solving the DREAMSCAPE dilemma. And for that, I just heard about who's going to be in a true-to-life story titled "Adventures in Space and Time", the one-time true-to-life-story in celebration of Doctor Who's 50th year.
'Doctor Who': David Bradley to play William Hartnell in 50th biopic
Boylet Mischeso: Yes, I heard that David Bradley's going to portray the role of Sir William Hartnell, the first ever Doctor Who when the series began in 1963. Sir David Bradley made a guest appearance on last year's episode of Doctor Who. He was in "Dinosaurs on a Spaceship" as the bad guy, in case you missed it. Oh and Jessica Raine, the lead actress from the hit BBC drama, Call the Midwide, will be on the biopic as well and she'll play as Verity Lambert, the very first producer of DW.
Woman: Interesting but....betcha didn't know that Miss Jessica Raine will make a guest appearance on Doctor Who soon you know...
Boylet Mischeso: Oh...Never heard of that. The lead actress of Call The Midwife? To guest on Doctor Who? Soon?
(audience laughing)
Woman: Yes, [BLEEP]. Jessica Raine's going to be guested on Doctor Who soon. End of sentence.
(audience laughing)
Boylet Mischeso: Okay...Whatever you say...
Woman: Anyway, this year's Chicago Auto Show, there has been some new models showing up in the open. On that venue, I just heard that Kia Motors made a world premiere of the newest addition. It's tentatively called K3 Hatchback, here it is...
 |
| Kia K3 Hatchback |
Celeb Higpit Sinturon: K3 or Forte or Cerato hatchback...That new model look kinda different to the Europe-only cee-apostrophe-d inside and out. Looks nice though...
Woman: Yeah and I think it's not as sharp as its rival, the Hyundai i30. I wonder if it comes with the same specs as the normal K3 sedan...
Beki Celeb: Ma'am...details are classified. We'll not know about what comes onto that K3 hatchback...
(audience laughing)
Woman: Yeah, right....Probably too early to discuss about that. Anyway, you know those Justice League-themed Kias? First, there was a Batman-themed K5, later there was a Cyborg-themed Forte Hatchback, Flash-inspired Forte, Aquaman-themed Kia Pride, and then Green Lantern Soul...
 |
| Justice League-themed Kia cars |
Woman: Ahem. Sir, that's not for you. Those are the cars made in collaboration of DC Comics' WE CAN BE HEROES campaign to help children from Africa. Anyway, there's another Justice League-themed Kia unveiled at the Chicago Auto Show and this time it's a K5 Hybrid themed after Superman, man of steel.
 |
| Kia K5 Hybrid Superman |
Boylet Mischeso: No freaking way! I think this is the best looking of the Justice League-themed Kias ever featured and the way they themed it, genius! I was thinking that it's made by some Superman fan...
(audience laughing)
Celeb Higpit Sinturon: Do you think it belong to some guy who collects some Superman merchandises?
(audience laughing)
Woman: Ahem, no. This, like any other DC-themed Kias, was made by Kia in collaboration with DC Comics for WE CAN BE HEROES campaign.
ALL: Ohhh....
(audience laughing)
Woman: Anyway, forget about that and you guys have anything to said?
Celeb Higpit Sinturon: Ma'am. Heard the news? It seems that Sarah G Live will be cancelled!
Sarah Geronimo will serve as a judge in The Voice; her show Sarah G Live will stop airing soon on ABS-CBN
Woman: Why?
Celeb Higpit Sinturon: I don't know...Maybe Sarah Geronimo!!!!!
(audience laughing)
Woman: What?
Beki Celeb: Sarah Geronimo!!!!!!
ALL: GERONIMO!!!!!
(audience laughing)
Woman: Guys! Would you please cut it out for a while and we're taking some serious issues here. I was talking about ABS-CBN removing that Sunday night TV show hosted by Sarah G...
Beki Celeb: I don't really know why but as I heard, Sarah Geronimo was been chosen as one of the judges for the upcoming Philippine version of the hit US reality talent search titled The Voice of the Philippines.
Woman: The Voice of the Philippines? Wait a minute....
Celeb Higpit Sinturon: Familiar?
Woman: I don't know but I heard that when I was in California's Great America for ONE KAPAMILYA GO 2012, the one where I have to meet up with the stars of Walang Hanggan. There was those auditions for that reality show, which is The Voice of the Philippines, and....that's it...
(audience laughing)
Celeb Higpit Sinturon: Oh...(coughing)
Woman: Hey miss, are you all right?
Celeb Higpit Sinturon: (coughing continues)
{gives Celeb Higpit Sinturon some water, drinking)
Celeb Higpit Sinturon: (clears throat) Sorry about that. I mean you heard of it?
Woman: Well, yeah...Need I say more?
Celeb Higpit Sinturon: Oh no...No...Carry on, ma'am....
(audience laughing)
Woman: Thank you. Anyone else?
Boylet Mischeso: The Philippine AZKALS, they defeated Myanmar at the score of 1-0 in their friendly match at Yangon, Myanmar...
Celeb Higpit Sinturon: Yangdon?
Boylet Mischeso: No. Not Yangdon. YANGON. Yangon, Myanmar.
(audience laughing)
Celeb Higpit Sinturon: Oh, sorry about that. I thought that place reminds me of...well, you get the idea.
(audience laughing)
Porteria wonder goal lifts Azkals past Myanmar
Woman: Well, not only you can say thanks to the AZKALS to boost their reputation, it's OJ Porteria and the returning goalkeeper Neil Etheridge that kept everything under control to sharpen the AZKALS' skills in future matches.
(cheers and applause)
Woman: Okay, so what's next?
Girlet Endorser: Oh! Oh!
Woman: What is it, [BLEEP]?
Girlet Endorser: You know that Luther lead actor, Idris Elba? Guess what? He's on the cover of the March 2013 issue of British GQ Magazine. Look...
 |
| Idris Elba on the cover of GQ UK magazine |
Boylet Mischeso: Wow, by the looks of it, seems that the Luther dude, Idris, is getting a bit fierce.
Girlet Endorser: Fierce as hell as he wants to be...
Celeb Higpit Sinturon: Idris. Are you sure that's Idris?
Girlet Endorser: Yes. That's Idris....something wrong?
Celeb Higpit Sinturon: I thought it was the TARDIS...Idris...
(audience laughing)
Woman: Whoa there....Well, this is getting a bit skeptical as this Celeb Higpit Sinturon thought that Idris is actually Idris the TARDIS...
(Audience laughing)
(Nokia Tune ringing)
Woman: Oh wait, my cellphone...
(reads cellphone message)
Woman: Oh dear! Looks like I'm going to be late at my appointed dinner date! Anyway, I would like to say thanks to all the panelists who've been invited for today's show and thank you very much for watching HIGNFY. Good night!
*work of fiction, made to spice up the segment
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