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| 2014 Audi S3 |
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| 2013 Audi SQ5 |
JC: Are you sure you find both of these cars confusing?
JM: Well, frankly yes. I mean what sort of these cars Audi made? Look at these... The all new S3, it maybe look as athletic as a female swimmer in her one-piece speedo but frankly it behaves like a school teacher that looks like Ritsuko Akizuki...
(Audience laughing)
JC: And the SQ5?
JM: It's like um....like....ah....um....whatever. Seems inappropriate for a sporty crossover like this to have a diesel engine on it. But never mind. Let's just ignore it and do the news, okay?
RH: Okay the news and as you may recall, Texas-based tuner company, Hennessey Performance, once made a supercar that was more like a stretched version of the Lotus Exige but it's loaded with a thousand horsepower on it called the Venom GT.
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| Hennessey Venom GT |
JC: Did you said Venom GT? The...Hennessey Venom GT?
RH: Exactly, it was the car that promised to beat the Bugatti Veyron's speed records. Although not yet confirmed, the top speed was an estimate 272mph, making it even more faster than the Bugatti Veyron Super Sport.
JC: Are you sure? Have they verified that this is much more quicker than the Veyron SS?!
RH: Not yet but the people at Hennessey Performance did broke the world record...
JC: World record for what? Being faster than the Veyron SS and Agera R combined?!
(audience laughing)
RH: No, morons. It's world record for fastest 0-300kph car ever built. Here's the clip that will amaze you...
(cheers and applause)
JC: So, on that clip, that car did two tries and then the average 0-300kph time was 13.63 seconds, making it more than enough to beat the Koenigsegg Agera R's record. Wow...No wonder Texans really know how to make a car like this. We tried that last year on Forza Motorsport 4 via the May Top Gear Pack and I was gotta say that this car loves to harass the driver.
RH: Well, yes. That's the way hypercars do... harassing the driver until it enslaves one. Being enslaved by a super fast car like this is like being contracted by the super devil if you know what I mean?
(audience laughing)
JC: Yeah right. It's not that easy being enslaved by a devilishly fast car you know. Anyway you know China right? China...I've just heard that air pollution in China has getting worse than ever and it seems that most major cities in China, including Beijing, have been enveloped in smog and citizens are covering themselves with a face mask while going out...
RH: Yeah, exactly but that reminds me. When you said air pollution in China...
JC: Yeah...
RH: I have just one question...
JC: What is it?
RH: Do you think there's an ATMOS somewhere in China?!
(audience laughing)
JM: (laughing)
JC: (laughing)
RH: What? What did I said? I said I was wondering if there was some ATMOS in China that's causing this....
(laughter continues)
JC: When you said ATMOS, short guy, you might be referring that the Sontarans are attacking China with the ATMOS until everyone is choking by the poison sky. Have you've been watching Doctor Who again?
RH: Wha....
JC: Have you been watching the one when Doctor and Donna meet up with UNIT and Martha to fend off against the Sontarans' plan to poison the entire human race by ATMOS?
(audience laughing)
RH: Huh?
JM: Oh wait! Wait! Maybe someone's turning right and this was caused. I think I know what comes next! A great big firewall!
JC: You're right. You know the Turn Left episode of Doctor Who, when the Time Beetle altered Donna Noble's life when she never met the Doctor and then disasters occurred such as the Racnoss, the Titanic explosion, the Adipose, and then the poison sky. Question is what was that big firewall in the sky?
JM: Torchwood Three unit....On that Turn Left episode, Rose said that Torchwood operatives Gwen Cooper and Ianto Jones sacrificed their lives and then Captain Jack was taken to the Sontaran homeplanet.
JC: Oh...But hey, enough Whovian wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff Captain Slow. I was just thinking that in regards to this air pollution in China, could it be that it has a possibility of coming through public buildings and killing people just as when well you know, when the 456 unleashed an attack that killed thousands of people inside the building including Ianto Jones from part four of the Torchwood Children of Earth story...
JM: I dunno!!!
(audience laughing)
RH: Hey! Hey! Excuse me Captain Slow and big fat middle aged man. Can we just act serious about this?
JC: Don't care cause I ain't bovvered.
RH: What?!
(audience laughing)
JC: Maybe someone in China must have turned right instead of left and caused this...
RH: Who? Chinese Donna Noble?!
(audience laughing)
JM: Chinese Donna Noble...That is well bad...
JC: Innit though...
RH: Ugh...forget about it...Can we move on now?
JC: Oh yeah...unless I need someone who will dress like Donna Noble...
(audience laughing)
JC: Anyway, fat people, okay? Those who are obese or those who have beer bellies....Did you know that fat people are 80% more risk to die in a car accident?
RH: Well certainly, you are in that category. You're FAT!
(audience laughing)
RH:...and as you said, study shows that obese 80 percent more likely to die in car accidents.
JC: Hey, I'm not fat! I'm big-boned!
(audience laughing)
JC: Am I bovvered?
RH: What?
JC: Am I bovvered though?
RH: Huh? I was saying...
JC: Look at my face! Look at my face! Is my faced bovvered?!
(audience laughing)
RH: Uh...have you got any idea that you ever done that to your family?
JC: ARE YOU DISRESPECTING ME?
(audience laughing)
JC: ARE YOU DISRESPECTING ME? ARE YOU DISRESPECTING MY FAMILY?
RH: Uh...No...I'm not disrespecting your family...E he he he....
JC: Look! Face! Bovvered! I ain't bovvered though! Bovvered! Face! Venom! World Record! China! Air Pollution! Sontaran! Turn Left! Donna Noble! Obese! Car Accident! I AIN'T BOVVERED!!!
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| I AIN'T BOVVERED! |
(cheers and applause)
JM: You know, by such behavior...guess we should end this news right now and move on...
RH: Yeah, that's definitely a bombshell we could just end this segment...
(audience laughing)
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