Audi RS4 Avant B8 (Typ 8K)

Out of the blue, a certain male told that he once watched a DVD about young women in their racing swimsuits doing somewhat...um...more animalistic. He said that it was the most intense, animalistic, erotic encounter of his life. If I was his friend, I want to tell him that there's something even more erotic than watching women in their skin-tight racing swimwears...

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2013 Audi RS4 Avant

2013 Audi RS4 Avant

Here it is. The ultimate expression of car porn. If I was Taaj from Come Fly With Me, I would say "okay b****es, the p*ssy wagon has arrived!" because this really is a sport wagon with such fetishes. Once you're here, you'll know that this was the most intense, animalistic, erotic encounter of your life.

Under the hood, this feisty high performance sport wagon from Audi 4.2L V8 FSi engine that generates about 450PS of power and 430Nm of torque. 0-100kph takes about 4.7 seconds and top speed, well, like anything goes, a governed top speed of 250kph but it can be bump up to 280kph by request. It is a fast wagon and with its seven-speed S tronic dual clutch gearbox, this was immensely fast...sort of because if you put it in a race between this and the Cadillac CTS-V Wagon, I'm afraid that doesn't work because even though it has launch control, this Audi can't beat the American high-performance car in a shape of a station wagon, a car that soccer moms often use it for everyday use.

What about handling? As a sex toy, this is a bit too harsh and this feels like it's what you call it "unprotected sex" on the road because form every turn by turn, it feels like you've been wrestled by a young Russian woman in her skin-tight racing swimsuit. Even though it may have the quattro all-wheel drive system, the driving feel's a bit too mild and menacing. Not standard, not dynamic, too mild. As mild as a cup of San Mig Coffee 3-in-1 if you know what I mean but as menacing as a slaughterhouse next door. You have to be serious about handling this high performance Audi sport wagon and if it gets brutal, KEEP CALM AND YELL HAIDARAAAAAA!!!!!

And if by HAIDARAAAAAA!!!!!, well take a look at yourself. This really is the all new Audi RS4 Avant and if by Avant or estate version, you might be saying "LOL. Why no Saloon?", "WTF? Where's the RS4 Saloon?" There's a very bright reason for this, AUDI WILL NEVER MAKE A SALOON VERSION OF THE NEW RS4. You got me? Remember back from the old RS4 (typ B5)? Yep, available in wagon only when it came in 1999. This followed the trend of the first RS4 but that's general information to you all.

But still, even though it's available only in Avant grade, the new RS4 is all about being the most intense animalistic erotic encounter of your life when your foot's on the pedal and once you're driving the new RS4, the humping begins...Oh yeah...How do you like that, Fearghal? How's this for an erotic encounter? Apologies if too much NSFW stuff were there but that's the metaphor for the RS4 Avant because even though for an everyday wagon, it looks and feels absolutely sexy.

Available Colors: Ibisweiß, Suzukagrau Metallic, Pantherschwarz Kristalleffekt, Prismasilber Kristalleffekt, Daytonagrau Perleffekt, Misanorot Perleffekt, Phantomschwarz Perleffekt, and Sepangblau Perleffekt.

PRICE: 76,600 Euros

Photo: Audi AG